Blue Christmas
[sung to the tune of “White Christmas”]

My nightmare is a blue Christmas
just like the one I had last year
where pain and sorrow
join spend and borrow
to choke out all the season’s cheer.

My nightmare is a blue Christmas
just like the ones from years gone by
where loss and grief
see no relief
and all I want to do is cry.

Why do I have a blue Christmas?
Where is the Norman Rockwell life?
I’m not that strange.
Why can’t I change,
and rid myself of all this strife?

Please take away my blue Christmas;
it’s not the place I want to be.
How not to choose it?
How best to lose it?
How can I finally be me?

I still will have a blue Christmas;
it’s what I am and have become.
My suffering’s shaped me,
fire’s trial has baked me,
denial only makes me numb.

Christ, welcome to my blue Christmas.
A smelly manger is the place,
where things go wrong,
and take too long,
but failure’s always met with grace.

© 2005 Todd Jenkins